Man vs. Wild

I am trapped on a trail high up Mt. Everest. Luckily, I know the old survivalist trick of stuffing my pockets with beef jerky and having a shotgun.

Agent of Chaos

I am in a public bathroom, at the last urinal in a long row of empty urinals. A guy walks up to the urinal right next to me, dressed like the Joker. As he begins to pee he says, in a bad Heath Ledger growl, "Why...so...ser"

"PLEASE DO NOT DO A JOKER IMPRESSION WHILE STANDING NEXT TO ME AT A URINAL."

"Hey, whoa, uh..."

"PLEASE DO NOT PRETEND TO BE THE JOKER WHILE STANDING NEXT TO ME IN THE MEN'S ROOM."

"Jeez man, alright..."

He zips up and skulks away.

Troubadour

I am walking along a beach trail, and there is a guy, walking about ten feet behind me, playing an acoustic guitar song about how there are 500 galaxies which is sort of like love. I turn around, place my hand on the strings so that they are muted, and say, "Stop doing that." He is offended but says nothing, and sullenly walks away. A friend of his runs up to me and says "Hey man, that was really wrong, what you did." And I say, "Are you going to do something about it?" And he says no, and walks off. Then a second friend of the guitarist (whose tousled hair is sticking out of a canvas hat) walks up and says "Hey, I don't appreciate what you did. Do you play music?"

"No."

"Well..." And then he makes a combination handwave-and-nod, as if to say, "Get in here and let's fix this together."

"That's your threat?!"

"Nah man, forget about it," He says goodnaturedly as he trots away in the sand.