I have been hired by an upscale gym to write weekly fitness tips for their newsletter. I know very little about fitness, so run out of ideas quickly. One of my ideas is to keep a football in your underwear at all times. A reader in Japan complains about my lack of qualifications. I am called into the office to discuss the complaint. The office is only accessible by way of a miles-long, undeveloped backcountry road. I am driving an Oldsmobile, and my mother and brother are in the car with me. It's getting dark. My brother and I are discussing how to properly contextualize 9/11 when SUDDENLY THERE IS A WOLF. Then the wolf is gone. I'm sad because I wanted to look at the wolf some more.